i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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