Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So much Jack, so little girl.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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