dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
