Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
