Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
