I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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