But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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