i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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