if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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