Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize