So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
