There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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