I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
