Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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