What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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