So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
