so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
