you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
