I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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