the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
