but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
