I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
