Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize