I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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