On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize