I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
