I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
