I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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