I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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