i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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