...so i touched it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
