i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
