just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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