At least make sure they are 18
Why
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
