So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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