Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
