If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
