i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
