I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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