Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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