Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
