Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
