just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
