Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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