Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize