its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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