Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
