I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize