I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
