Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
