so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
