I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
