i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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