I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
