We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
