I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
