My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
