Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
