His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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