He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
