My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
