; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
