I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
