Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
