Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
