I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
