Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize