no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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