Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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