3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize