did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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