a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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