margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The ass gains better be worth it
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