last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
