dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
