Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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