I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Found the puke drawer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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