Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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