...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
