Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
