he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize