Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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