can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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