I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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