foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
