i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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