cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
