I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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