This is not my ceiling
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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