You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
