We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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