Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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