Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
