I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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