I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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