Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
