Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
