There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
