Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
