Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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