OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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