So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
