apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
