you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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