I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
