I just threw up on my dentist
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
